the white coats are coming!

so i'm getting in deep now. waay over my head.

i am going back to school. maybe not right now, but soon. i feel it will be very soon.

i'm just so scared.

i trust birth. these few months at my job in L&D i have redisvovered for the first time since the birth of my son that birth works, especially when unhindered. bodies know how to birth and babies know how to be born. intervention is dangerous. starting with leaving the home, with harsh and harshly spoken words, with drugs, and instruments, intervention leaves its scars in women's and babies' bodies, minds, and spirits.

i've been so into unassisted childbirth lately. it's a lovely way of doing things. i think for most healthy women who are into it, it is the safest/best option. intervention is dangerous. i trust bodies and babies more than i trust healthcare providers.


this is why it's so scary to think about going back to school. i'm not totally convinced right now that i will want to assist birthing women primarily. i am just so into the midwifery model of well-women's care as it relates to all well-people. i want to care for people, especially women, in all ages and aspects of life. but i also wonder if going to school for nurse-midwifery will help me to encourage clients to trust birth.

healthcare is in a sad state. people trust healthcare providers more than they do themselves. they want someone (especially if that person is in a white coat) to give them a cure, an answer, a fact, a truth.

but i feel like by being a healthcare provider that trusts birth, trusts life, nature, death, and the human body, one can spread these messages to her clients. by being a healthcare provider that works cooperatively with other disciplines, uses the least-interventive treatments available, and provides extensive client education to care for the well person, one would not only be living and practicing the research-proven way, but she'd also be providing the best possible care for her clients.

nurse-midwives have at least some autonomy. oh, autonomy. witnessing MDs and OBs do things that are proven to be unsafe (suctioning all babies as soon as their faces stick out, frequent induction, elective cesarean, vacuum extraction, unnecessary episiotomy, etc.) over and over again, seeing them wonder why the babies are fussy, why they won't nurse, why the moms are depressed...it tears me down.

research has proven that birth works. time has proven that birth works. other industrialized nations' experiences have proven that birth works. homebirth midwives have proven it. unassisted childbirth folks have proven it. why can't these OBs, medwives, and family practice physicians, with all their elite schooling and letters behind their names just try it. once. or twice. maybe forever.

but anyway, maybe it's ego-driven mania or serious delusion, but i think maybe i can make a difference. maybe a bigger difference with some higher education. i dunno. maybe it's at least worth a try.