conscious contraception.

i'm burning a book. i've never felt so vehement about a book before.

conscious conception by jeanine parvati baker and her husband. i bought it used and on sale at sqecial media because i loved her book hygeia: a woman's herbal. it's all this new-agey, neo-hippie stuff about the fertility awareness method, adding some astrological influences. stuff i could be into. at least sort of.

unfortunately it's also their personal moral inquisition of anyone who has had, is considering, or may have an abortion. and the woman claims to be a "feminist."

now, i'm not even saying that one has to be pro-choice to be a feminist. i'm not ready for that debate, at least. i am totally open to people's personal CHOICE to feel "anti-abortion."

starting in the first 30 pages of this "feminist" book, ms. baker begins her moral judgment, claiming that having a previous abortion will disrupt one's quest for taking charge of her fertility, that she must be "present" and that one may not do this if she's had a past abortion.

and the sad thing is, many women feel this way. in my opinion, most of the time it is because of the huge moral judgment our patriarchal conservative christian society places on anyone who has or has had an abortion. the negative feelings could also be based on the fact that she was not in control of her situation: a parent or partner may have been coercing her into the abortion. many women are forced into abortions.

in almost every chapter of the book ms. baker and her husband berate, belittle, and disrespect women who have had abortions by only including women's stories of guilt associated with the abortion, saying it WILL interfere with a future natural birth, claiming it irresponsible to have an abortion, and using words like "kill," "destroy life," "deception," when referring to abortion.

i guess any person who is anti-abortion would be like, "right on!" but in my opinion including such degrading remarks about one's fellow sisters is not only damaging to the women one degrades, but to the feminist movement itself.

i am PRO-CHOICE.

i am for choice in all its forms.

not only that, i am for an anti-white-supremacist-capitalist-imperialist culture that not only allows women to choose what happens to their bodies, but supports them in whatever they choose.

abortions will only become mostly unnecessary when there is enough help for families (financially, emotionally, socially) so that they may safely birth and care for their children, enough readily available and dispersed information on and materials for all birth control options, and when men take as much responsibility for birth control and household management as women.

and even when these needs are met, there will still be some times when abortion will be necessary or desired. there have been abortions almost as long as their have been births. the witches and wise-women ms. baker exalts were the bearers of the sacred knowledge of family planning, so much so that they became feared by the patriarchs who eventually took over.

ms. baker and her husband don't even touch on the problems our society has which cause the high number of abortions. she only berates the women who have them, not asking what situations led to their decisions.

women are no more sacred for choosing to have a baby than they are for choosing to bring about menstruation with herbs or have an abortion. our planet is bending to the breaking point with too many mouths to feed. abortion, as almost anyone will admit is not the best option, but neither is having more children than one wants or can handle.

i see women in the L&D who have more children than they ever wanted and they're just having more. depressed and frustrated, they snap at their children and husbands, desperate for a way out. our society applauds their sacrifices ("at least she didn't have an abortion") while meeting none of their needs. they don't have adequate childcare, financial support, healthy foods to eat, or satisfactory health care.

but our society says "abortion is wrong."

i wouldn't berate a women for choosing abortion any more than i would berate her for having an unwanted child.

life is sacred: the lives of the mother and family and planet just as much as the unborn.

healing race

racism hurts.

i was reading "I Can Fix It!" by damali ayo tonight. realizing how often i have let racist comments that friends or coworkers have made slide for my own "safety." because i didn't want to deal with the consequences of being subversive. how i have held keeping myself out of my imagined danger as more important than creating a truly safe space for my friends and coworkers of color.

i regret that.

there is an ongoing situation of a white person in my community saying outright racist comments on a regular basis. i said my piece in a mild way to him once. but i was not truly assertive. i didn't tell him how it made me feel when he said those hurtful things. i regret this. i am wondering how to deal with this now, after the fact, in a helpful and assertive way.

my new boss has siad some vaguely racist things in the few weeks that she's had the job. i didn't say anything about it. the things she said would not be seen as racist to anyone that i work with. the statement that i remember was about how she's "sure not a Muslim" or something like that.

other white coworkers have made racist comments about barack obama. or asked the one black man with which i work inappropriate questions about "being black." another lady saw that i was reading killing rage by bell hooks and said, "oh. what class is that for?" when i told her i was reading it for myself she seemed utterly confused.

how do you deal with racism in your community in a helpful and healing way?

i need help figuring out how to get rid of this regret by taking action.