she can do it herself.

i want to tell midwives something that i just figured out.

it's so important, but so simple that it must get forgotten all the time.

you can't take your self to a birth.

there are lots of things you can take with you: fetoscope, cord clamp, ambu bag, respect, trust, knowledge, homeopathics, pitocin, etc.

leave your self at home.

don't speak unless spoken to, but don't touch without asking. between contractions. from a safe distance. and always be prepared for a "no."

don't bring your exhaustion, your frustration, your excitement, your loneliness, your sexual satisfaction, your fight with your girlfriend, or your worry about Dad. this baggage can only do harm.

this is sacred space. it is cleansing space, so use that to your advantage. take deep cleansing breaths upon entering and leave your self at the doorstep.

this event is NOT ABOUT YOU. not even remotely. don't think at any point that it can't be done without you. it can. you are an invited guest. you are not even a participant unless asked to be.

birth works without you. it just does. respect that. if a woman truly trusts you, she will ask for what she needs. or not if she doesn't need anything at all. which she might not.

when you respect this place, there are less complications; physical and emotional. when you respect a woman this much, she may intuit what she needs. you will watch a woman transform in front of your eyes into pure inhibition, freedom, love, strength, perseverence, infinity.

she will love you for it and you will have really become "with woman."

not "for-woman," "help-woman," "best-woman," or "can't-do-it-without-this-woman."

you will have become the medicine woman, the shaman, and the high priestess. the true roles of midwife.